Why Bother?

Ever have one of those days when you feel totally and utterly stupid and that all the time and preparation you've put forth into learning something is a complete waste? That's kinda how I've felt all week, but especially today. I literally study for HOURS every week--have done so since first quarter. I know there are people that put in 10x more study time than me who do extremely well in school, and others who can cram at the last minute and pull of A's and B's. Brilliant. Wish I had that kind of brain. Sometimes, I even suspect that some of this rehashing of information has managed to stick for long-term, but today I feel especially doubtful. I've been preparing for boards since November, but with complete focus since Jan 2nd. . .with utter diligence and devotion...but to what end?

Today I was rummaging through some old NBCE exam questions. I feel like I've put forth enough effort that I should feel fairly confident about most of the material at this point in the timeline--at least enough to recognize most of the correct answers to questions especially in anatomy, one of my strongest subjects. Well. . . NO. . . not exactly. I read through 60 questions and circled at least half of them to remind myself to look up the specifics in a book. I can tell you almost every muscle innervation in the body, but I was totally stumped by some random bone structures or embryological derivatives. I feel like Sasha Cohen must have felt when she kept falling on her practice jumps before her long program in figure skating--confidence is down and my game is just not ON this week. OK, maybe comparing my brain fart in prepping for national boards to that of an Olympian in a gold medal pursuit is not nearly the same thing, but you get my point.

Same experience happened the Tues night when Katie was quizzing me on the 8 powerpoints worth of x-ray physics. She knew the first 3 solid--I only knew general haphazard facts since I'd tried to self-teach 8 powerpoints in 2.5 days. This week my memory and recollection of pertinent facts to regurgitate and recognize on an exam is not at its best. Only plus, don't have the rad exam until tomorrow morning. Even better, still have just over 2 weeks until boards. I need some gingko and ginseng, oh, and a new brain.